Hyperactive, impulsive, loud. For decades, and even today, these are the main headliners when it comes to ADHD.
Typically though, these symptoms have most often been displayed by boys, and less by girls. Therefore, most of today’s female adults with ADHD have missed out on being diagnosed at an early age.
“Same Same” – But Different
In the past, the less obvious symptoms of ADHD have not been recognised as such, although it has now become very clear that the headliners “hyperactive, impulsive, loud” are only one piece of the full ADHD picture. Studies have found that symptoms of inattentiveness, daydreaming and the internal hyperactivity of thoughts are just as common for ADHD (and often referred to as ADD*), but those seem to be presented more often by girls than boys.
Looking back on decades of upbringing, it is safe to say that loud, impulsive and hyperactive behaviour in girls was much less tolerated than it was in boys. Therefore, girls worked much harder to compensate and mask those characteristic ADHD symptoms to fit into society's expectations of stereotypical, female behaviour. Unfortunately though, those girls masking and compensating successfully, completely disappeared from the radar for an ADHD/ADD diagnosis.
Lack of Support
As a consequence, girls who did not receive an ADHD/ADD* diagnosis have never received help and support to learn about how to handle the symptoms and how to deal with their daily struggles of typical ADHD side-effects, such as forgetfulness, poor time management, issues with organising tasks and activities, impulsive behaviour, mood disorders, dyscalculia, dyslexia, the lack of focus for “boring” topics, overwhelming emotions and thoughts, overstimulation, etc..
Instead, they grew up with the constant feeling of “must live up to expectation”, despite “not fitting in” and feeling “not being accepted for who and how I really am” i.e. "not being good enough". Masking ADHD traits means nothing less than hiding and supressing your true self and identity, out of fear of being rejected and/or ridiculed, which can lead to serious comorbidities such as depression and anxiety.
The pressure on women to align with society's expectations of "how a woman is supposed to behave, live her life and raise her children and pursue a career" is as high as it is for girls to fit into stereotypical roles, adding non-stop stress and overwhelm on a daily basis.
Especially when running a family and/or a career, the amount of rigid organisation, planning and time management is way beyond of what a person with ADHD can manage without an extreme additional effort of compensation, as this is precisely one of the main areas where ADHD leaves you with a deficit – the ability to be self-organised and to organise others. Hence, many women with ADHD are constantly trying their hardest and their best to meet expectations which are way beyond their actual ability. Unfortunately though, many undiagosed ADHD women are living a life of exhaustion and desperation, driven by the fear of not being compliant/good enough/failures.
Support in the form of therapy and coaching has improved and lost some stigma around it, but with most official healthcare institutions on the brink of breaking down, getting support is still by no means easy.
Furthermore, we are still lacking a lot of support and information for women with ADHD and the connection to their hormone fluctuation, although studies and research have found direct links between oestrogen and dopamine production. There are not many conclusive studies, but the few that exist very strongly suggest that the lack of dopamine in combination with the female hormone fluctuation during the monthly cycle, during perimenopause and menopause can cause serious issues for many women.
Diagnosing the "Wrong End of the Stick"
Women with ADHD who feel that they are at risk of losing their loved ones, friends, career will need to reach out to a medical professional for help at some point. Those medical professionals, of which the majority surely only means well, will generally not fall short of diagnosing a psychological problem like depression, anxiety, burn-out or substance addiction and will offer treatment to “solve the problem”.
However, if an underlying ADHD is not diagnosed, those women will receive a treatment which might temporarily bring some relieve, but by missing the root cause of the hidden ADHD, they are denied the options of support for a long-term solution to improve their lives on a fundamental level.
Options for long-term Solutions
Long-term solutions will generally require a change of lifestyle as well as a change of mindset. Accepting that it is ok to be different, feel different, work different, live different can become a game changer for women with ADHD who have been diagnosed later in life.
Realising that ADHD is the cause of the pain and agony we experienced in our past often comes as a big wave and with a sense of relieve after the diagnosis.
However, realising that there is a need for major changes for coping with the symptoms and challenges in a healthier way can be immensely scary.
Medication might be a helpful solution, especially as a short-term option to stabilise the emotional and fragile overall situation until the dust has settled and the ideas and strategies for finding long-term, non-medical coping strategies become clearer.
Long-term solutions are built on new, ADHD friendly habits and a suitable lifestyle, which can include (and are generally a combination of):
a new, healthy exercise routine
practicing mindfulness & relaxation techniques
improving quality of sleep
dietary adjustments
therapy for dealing with the emotional baggage as well as depression, anxiety, burn-out
coaching for an overall mental well-being, as well as learning how to benefit from those special ADHD talents and for finding healthy and effective ways of organising life and work by incorporating ADHD benefits and deficits.
It’s All About You
Finding the right long-term coping strategies is a very personal journey, involving a lot of trial and error. Helpful guidance from an ADHD professional such as a psychologist, psychiatrist or a coach can support you to learn about the cause and effects of ADHD. Thy can also offer a range of different tools and techniques for finding your own, personal approach to incorporating the benefits and deficits of your ADHD into your daily life.
We assist you in developing practical skills and strategies to manage your ADHD-related challenges, such as e.g. time management, organization, prioritization, goal setting, etc..
We also offer you a supportive and non-judgmental environment where you can express your concerns, frustrations, and successes, helping you to cope with the emotional aspects of your ADHD. The methods and techniques we provide are your tried and tested (by us 😉) support-toolkit to help you deal with your challenges. You will get to know and understand yourself and your ADHD better, as well as learning how to successfully deal with the different aspects of your ADHD.
If you would like to find out more about our coaching services and how you might benefit from our support, feel free to contact us by either sending us an e-mail to welcome@its-all-about-you.ch, or browse our website and use the contact form when you feel ready to get in touch.
We look forward to meeting you and your ADHD 😊!
* ADD = Attention Deficit Disorder – also referred to as “inattentive ADHD”
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